Hazy Cosmic Jive
by Dark Rabbit
Summary: You ever wondered what would have happened if Loki were the one who got banished, after the attack on Jotunheimr? And if it happened in 1969, and he landed in New Hampshire, where a young Tony Stark was sharing a commune with his friends Pepper, Rhodey and Happy? Well, this is pretty much it. ...Also there is an orgy in it.


"Didn't know what time it was the lights were low  
I leaned back on my radio  
Some cat was layin down some rock n roll lotta soul, he said  
Then the loud sound did seem to fade  
Came back like a slow voice on a wave of phase  
That wasn't no d.j. that was hazy cosmic jive."  
– Ziggy Stardust

**The Avengers, Iron Man, and Thor, and all situations and characters thereof, belong strictly and solely to Marvel Comics. This is a fan-work, meant for enjoyment only, and not for any material profit.**

Well I'm at the wheel, Tony's in charge of the radio, and Rhodey's in charge of the grass and the other stuff we bought in Pembroke. And Pepper's back at the cabin. She said she'd have vegetarian lasagna ready when we got home, and I don't think I'm the only one that's been thinking about it. And we're on Highway 28, past Allanstown, where the road gets real curvy. And that's when we see the Starman.

And I'm already pulling over before Tony even notices him, because he's got the radio on loud, and he's grooving to CSN&Y. And Rhodey's looking down, he's busy with the grass. So I pull over, and I roll down the window, and I say, "Dude, how are you?"

Dude sits up. Kind of a skinny, longhair dude, in this green shirt, and these loose kind of pants-things. And he's like, "Oh wow, man, where am I?"

And Tony gets out of the car, and he's all like, "Cool threads, man. – Hey, what's your problem?"

Rhodey's like, "Bad drug trip. Or maybe he's drunk," and he bends down, and he pats the guy on the shoulder. "Man, you okay?" he says. "You want to come home with us?"

Dude's like, "Is this Midgard? It's Midgard, isn't it?" And then he stands up. – Real tall dude, by the way. Taller than me, and I'm six foot. – "Father!" he yells. "Oh, Fa-aaa-ther!"

So Tony's like, "Earth's your Mother, Sky's your Father. I can dig that!" Tony gets that way whenever he smokes grass. "Man, I am grokking that." And he goes over and he puts his hand on Skinny-Dude's shoulder too. He has to reach up high to do it, because Skinny-Dude's so much taller than him. "Yeah," he says, "you have to come home with us. Pepper will totally be okay with it." –

Thing with Pepper, she's always okay with whatever Tony does. Earth-Mother like her, she should be making a home right now, but instead she's with Tony. He has all these ideas, and she just goes along with them. –

Skinny-Dude's like, "I can't stay here! Even now, Father is probably making Thor the King. I thought the attack on Jotunheimr would dissuade him, but nothing checks his partiality."

And Rhodey looks at me and he makes the cuckoo-sign. "Dude's crazy."

Skinny-Dude's Tony's new best friend though, apparently. "Crazy's just a word," Tony says. "Haven't you read Szasz?" – Which we haven't, of course. We aren't college boys like him. – "Haven't you read R.D. Laing? It's not people that are crazy." – All the time he's talking, he's also taking Skinny-Dude over to Car Car, which is his name for the Hispano-Suiza his dad gave him when we got the farm, that he immediately painted with a lot of Da-Glo flowers and peace signs and stuff. – "Man, it's the world that's crazy," he says, "and crazy people are just the only ones that notice." Then he opens the car door, and he helps Skinny-Dude into the back seat, and then he gets in next to him. Skinny-Dude must be important, because he made Tony forget the radio.

So I get back into Car Car, and then Rhodey gets in on the other side. And in the back seat, Tony's going, "Man, what's your name?"

Skinny-Dude's like, "Loki."

And Tony's like, "Groovy." – He was gonna change his name to Frodo, last year, only Pepper didn't let him. – Then he's like, "Where do you come from?"

So then crazy Skinny-Dude says, "Asgard," and Tony's like, "Cool," and that's the way it is, all the way back to the farm, just Tony asking these questions, and whatever crazy answers Skinny-Dude gives him, he's just like, "Cool," and, "Groovy," and "Far Out."

And we go on driving, over all those curvy and twisty mountain roads, until we get back up to the farm. Not to toot my own horn or anything, but it is looking good. Them potatoes that I put in, in May, are starting to get big, and you can see the blossoms on the zucchinis, all the way from the barn. And Tony gets skinny Crazy-Loki out of Car Car, and he's like, "Man, come on inside! – You're coming inside, right Rhodey?" he says.

And Rhodey's like, "Yeah, I gotta. Gotta bring Pepper the nutmeg I got."

"How about you, Happy?" Tony says. "You coming inside?"

I'm like, "No man, I gotta check the crops first. Worried we'll get bugs. There's things called potato-beetles..." I'm no farmer. Never was, and none of my family. It's Tony paid for the farm, though. Least I can do is make sure the crops grow right.

He's like, "Cool, man, cool. You hurry on in, though. Pep's lasagna is gonna be outa sight."

So out I go to the crops. – Gotta feed the chickens too. Damn things eat mash like it's going out of style, but we ain't got one egg out of them yet. – And in go Tony and the others to see Pepper. Later on when I go in, they're all sitting on the couch together. Rhodey's rolled some joints, and Tony's got that wine that we got from the guy in Concord. Pepper looks at me and she's like, "We waited supper for you, Happy."

And Tony's like, "Hey, Hap, come on in! We're all gonna get high, and Loki's gonna tell us what it's like in space."

Cause yeah, Crazy-Loki is still there. He's sitting in between Tony and Pepper on the couch, and he just looks sort of stressed, and he's not saying anything. And then Rhodey gets the joint rolled, and it's the biggest joint I ever seen. Me, I get some wine. I never been one for marijuana.

So Rhodey lights the big-joint. He takes a hit, then he passes it to Tony. Tony takes a hit, and he holds onto the smoke for a long time. Then he passes it to Loki. "Man," he says, "you gotta try this shit."

Crazy-Loki blinks a little. But you can see by his face, he's not used to being rude and refusing people, so he reaches for the joint.

"Like this," Tony says, and he takes another big hit himself.

"Thank you." Crazy-Loki licks his lips, then he takes the joint and he takes a big hit off of it. Then he coughs, until Tony and Rhodey are both laughing.

And Rhodey's like, "first time, huh? Man, you gotta take it easy." And this time he shows Crazy-Loki how to take just a little drag at a time, and how to hold onto the smoke and all that stuff grass-smokers know. And Crazy-Loki's watching, like it's really important, and then when he's done, he tries taking another hit.

And then the joint goes to Pepper, and then it goes around to Rhodey again. And after a while they start on another one, and the room starts to get so smoky that I'm getting a contact-high even though I'm not smoking any. And Tony's got this big smile on his face, Pepper too, and Rhodey. And all the stress has gone out of Crazy-Loki's face, and he's starting to look pretty relaxed too.

So... I think that's when Pepper brings out the lasagna. I'm not sure exactly. She brings it out, though, and Crazy-Loki takes a bite, and he's like, "What is this wonderful food?"

And Tony's like, "My woman Pepper is a genius-cook, and she makes the best vegetarian lasagna in the world."

Loki's like, "Lasagna?! Oh wow, man, if Volstagg were here, he would eat it all and beg for seconds!"

So Pepper gets all smiley. I don't know if it's the compliment, or the grass, but she starts liking Loki. And I guess I like him too. He's a nice guy, and it's not his fault he's nuts. So I get up to get another bottle of wine, and when I come back, I make sure to pour him some.

He drinks it all, and he says, "This is the best mead I ever tasted," and then he throws the glass down onto the ground, so it breaks.

Rhodey's like, "Why did he do that?"

And Tony's like, "Medieval custom," and he goes to throw his glass on the ground too, only Pepper sort of clears her throat like, and so he sets it back down on the coffee table instead. "Wherever in space Loki's from," Tony says, "they live like it's still the Middle Ages."

So after that, Loki tells us about where he comes from in space. And it's a lot of real trippy stuff, all about Odin-Allfather, and the Bifrost, and some things called Frost Giants. "And I'm a Frost Giant," he says. "Father kept it from me, that I'm a monster, and all my people are dangerous."

Tony's like, "You're not a monster."

And Rhodey's like, "You don't look like a monster to me."

And Pepper says, "Even if your people are monsters, that doesn't make you a monster. People make their own destiny, Loki."

So that's when Tony gives Loki a hug. Is it him that does it? I end up hugging him too. I don't remember who goes first. We all hug Loki. It's, like, a group-hug. And then we get some more wine, and then after a while, we all start to get naked.

It's like a Warhol-scene, after that, like some big orgy, with some doctor and his wife, in a suburb in Long Island. First Tony's kissing Loki. Then he's kissing Rhodey. Then Rhodey's kissing Loki, and then I'm kissing Pepper (She's a very good kisser, by the way). Then Tony puts on some music: Hendrix, because he says he always fucks better to Hendrix.

And then we're all in the bedroom. And the mattress we got at the Goodwill store in Concord is almost big enough to fit us all. ...And then it is big enough, and I think Loki did something to make it bigger. That has to be the grass talking. Nobody can just make things bigger, right out of the blue like that. It's big enough, anyway; probably we all just got less picky. And Tony's tongue is going places on Loki that I never thought of somebody putting their tongue. And Rhodey's like, "Yeah, I did some of that stuff back in 'Nam," and then he's piling in and he's just as good at it as Tony.

And you know, they're both so busy with each other, and with Loki, that I get to thinking Pepper might be lonely. So even though she's Tony's woman, I go over and pay her some more attention. And she's just as sweet and tender as I knew she would be, and her mouth tastes like lasagna, and her nipples taste just like strawberries. And her cootch... Her, uh... Her ...down there: That tastes like sweet cream and flowers on a summer afternoon, and when I go at her good, she starts wriggling around and squealing so I almost shoot even before I fuck her.

And then I do fuck her, and it's good, it's real good. And then afterward, I kind of realize what I just did, and I look over at Tony. He's lying with his head on Loki's chest and both Rhodey's arms wrapped around his middle, and he just smiles at me, and he's like, "Groove on it, property is theft. I love you, Hap-man."

And Rhodey looks at Loki, and he's like, "What about being a monster?"

And Loki looks at him, and his eyes are half-closed, and there's a big smile on his face. "Monster?" he says. "Who's a monster?"

And I'm like "Nobody is, man," which is probably the closest I'll ever come to really talking hippy-lingo like Tony.

And after that we all go to sleep together. And then the next day, we help Loki hitchhike south to Cornell, so he can get the guys at the SETI Institute to help him contact his father and he can go home and be a monster again. Doesn't make any sense to us, why he'd do it, but you know, different strokes for different folks.


End file.
